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[There was a really dumb moment where Bulba stared at his phone and wondered if this was how Vinnie asked people on dates. No. Probably not. But he still thought about it.]

Yeah I'm pretty free. Did you want to meet up or something?

[Ha ha, nope.]

mite b best 2. can u come ovr?

[Didn't actually think so.]

sure. your room?

[He hoped yes cause that's where he was heading and that's where he was gonna be knocking in a few minutes.]

Hello?

ya

[And that's where Vinnie was. He was sitting at his desk when Bulba knocked, and called out to him.]

Hey, come in.

[Bulba let himself in, looking tentatively curious as he did so. What was this about then? He wasn't really sure.]

Hey.

[Let him just shut the door behind him, there. Bulba cocked his head in Vinnie's direction as he wandered in a bit more.]

What's up?

[When Vinnie swivelled around to meet Bulba's face, his own looked undeniably concerned. The first thing he looked for was for any mark of the burns that he had seen the week before. They were hopefully healing up better than last time.

It seemed the circumstances of this personal call were not entirely pleasant.]

I was just worried 'bout something. Your burns better?

[Worried about something... Traces of Bulba's usual content expression became a bit more concerned, his curiosity becoming a bit more cautious. He automatically reached up to trace his fingertips across his jawline. The angry red bites of the burns had faded over the week, but a stubborn pinkness remained that Bulba wasn't sure would leave.

Assuming this was all Vinnie was worried about, Bulba gave an affirmative nod anyway and spoke reassuringly.]

Yeah. They're clearing up for the most part.

That's good.

[Vinnie tried to smile back, though it was small and tentative. There was too much about that fight he didn't know about - at first he thought there wasn't much to know, but... well, he had a bad feeling now. From what Voile said, it sounded like it was a lot uglier than he originally thought. He didn't want to automatically assume the worst, but it felt awkward trying to broach the question to Bulba. The Venusaur glanced at the floor for a second, mulling the words over in his head.]

Look, Voile mentioned she was there, and... [What was he gonna say? Did anything else happen? Are you keeping something from me? Vinnie hesitated.]

[Bulba had started to get a bit of a bad feeling in his stomach when Vinnie still seemed mostly worried. It was more of a pang of guilt than anything else. Guilty that he was still making him worry, that maybe he hadn't done a good enough job to try and assure the older saur that he was fine.]

Oh..

[The moment Voile's name unexpectedly hung in the air, the surprise was enough for him to lose his grip on how he felt. His reaction was more than enough to betray that things were definitely not as fine as Bulba had tried to make them out to be. For a moment Bulba just stared at Vinnie with a dumbfounded look, the rest of him going tense. His eyes widened slightly, the color of his face draining as the mild bad feeling in his stomach turned into a weight that dropped through it.

He should have expected that Voile might have spoken to Vinnie about it, but it was still a shock somehow. How much had they talked about? How much had she said? He suddenly felt a bit sick. Vinnie had been the person he hadn't wanted to face about it. Not at all. He didn't want to talk about this. He really didn't want to talk about this.

Bulba found himself taking a step backwards, as if that small degree of distance was enough to get his feelings back in order so those walls wouldn't crumble, but it was too late for that.]

[When Vinnie glanced up again, he was taken aback - he hadn't expected this level of reaction from Bulba. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to make the other Venusaur feel afraid, feel like he was being accused or judged. Certainly, Vinnie's expression didn't read as such. Why, then?

Was Bulba really keeping something truly bad from him?

Doing his best to sound reassuring, Vinnie began smelling that much sweeter.]

She didn't say much. She didn't want t'go into it. But...

Something did happen, didn't it.

[He wouldn't have been so certain if Bulba hadn't gone so, so pale.]

[He fucked it up. Bulba didn't think it in those words, but that was the fact that he undeniably knew. With each breath of his soothing scent, the feeling got that much heavier. This shouldn't have been something that happened. She hadn't had said much, if he had just kept a tighter hold this wouldn't have had to happen. They wouldn't have had to been there with Vinnie looking so worried and Bulba messing it all up.

He was scared of being the one to have to hurt Vinnie. He hated feeling like he was going to put him in the same position Voile was in. Selfishly, irrationally, he was afraid the same things would happen. That he'd try to reach out to both and put down equal blame and never ask if he was okay. That had hurt far more than Bulba had ever let on, because he knew it wasn't his fault. He hadn't done anything to have what happened happen. He didn't want to rest his petty wants on the other Venusaur. He didn't want things to get worse.

The desperate need for all of his suppressed fears to escape clashed with violently with the desire to keep more ill from happening. The Venusaur kept his mouth shut tight, watching Vinnie with every uncertainty as his ears settled back against his head.

Please don't make me say it.]

[Vinnie's shoulders fell and slowly, dismay began to sink into his features. Why wouldn't Bulba tell him? It felt like last year all over again, caught between his brother and his kin - except this time, Vinnie was completely in the dark. And he hated it. He hated the fear and uncertainty of not knowing even more than he hated the confliction, he realized. And seeing Bulba this way, it was boring a hole into his chest that he didn't know how to fill.

He hung his head and stared at the ground, at a loss. There had been a fight. And, he noted with a wave of disappointment, Marie had started it. He'd managed to make Bulba angry. And then...

Then what? What happened in that space of time? Had it been something Marie did? Or Bulba, in his rage?]

I don't... blame you, Bulba. I know Marie. How he is.

I can take it. Just... please tell me something.

[Because he was already prepared to have his heart broken by his little brother once again.]

[Bulba just wasn't ready to break it.]

I... nnn... He tried to...

[His voice was already wavering and he bit his lip to keep himself from just blurting it all out. Bulba stared at his feet, his hands slowly moving on their own to hold himself as he tried to figure out what to say. He couldn't get away with not saying it. He had already started he just needed to keep going.

Honestly he was almost as ashamed to admit that he had allowed to happen as he was afraid to say it had. He had let the opportunity present itself.

For a few long, drawn-out moments, Bulba stayed silent despite his initial start. When he did speak again, it was very quiet and he couldn't bring himself to raise his head.]

... The scald was so he could get me on the ground... Just remember seeing white, and his hands on my face and...

[Bulba paused, swallowing. He had tried to forget the feeling, but it had kept coming back to him in the evening sometimes. The feeling of-]

There was a lot of water. Too much water going through my throat…

He tried to…

[Vinnie could feel himself shaking inside. His fingers balled into tight fists as the ice twisted its way through his gut with agonizing slowness at every word. He could feel a shadow fall over him as Bulba described the way he was pinned, old memories of old pains tingling at the edge of his consciousness. Perhaps it was his intuition speaking in the form of this creeping suspicion. Being helpless, at the mercy of someone else... terror that seemed to last forever, and then growing cold. He knew that feeling.

He knew trying to bury it, and the way it gnawed away at you.

In this moment, he saw a sliver of himself in Bulba - and the recognition horrified him. He couldn't even pause to try and rationalize the Wartortle's end of it. He couldn't be objective. There was only disgust and regret.

Their fight was about him. It was his fault that Marie went so far. Because he'd left the team. Because he hadn't been a good enough brother. The reason Bulba was shaking and looked close to tears was...

It hurt to think about. He desperately didn't want it to be true.

In a small, careful voice, still tinted by disbelief, Vinnie looked up and forced the words from his throat. Speaking them made it feel all the more real, but he needed to know that it was. He needed the truth. He couldn't let it go unsaid.]

He tried to drown you.

[Ever since the night it happened, it had never been said. That night was the only night he had let the thought be a complete once. Ever since then, even in his head, it had always just been the thing that Marie had done. The thing that happened. The thing he tried to do.

Hearing the actual words spoken out loud- hearing Vinnie say them of all people - horrified him more than anything.

Bulba jerked his head up to look at him, his expression bearing all the grief he had been trying to keep at bay, his eyes wide and searching. If he could find a way to avoid it he would. His mouth worked nervously, and Bulba drew in a shaky breath.]

He tried to drown me.

[In all those years of being rivals, of fighting, of having the opportunity to lethally poison someone or in turn, being fatally burned - death was something that should never have been a factor. It was an unspoken trust between trained Pokemon that it ended at unconsciousness, one that the Pokemon League was practically built upon.

It was true, there had been times Vinnie had thought about killing. Laying in his hospital bed, turning the idea over and over in his head - all those what ifs. It'd almost happened. Self defense or not, by the end of that fight he had honestly been trying to take a life. The sheer amount of rage and pain it took to reach that point... how could that ever possibly be reached in a normal skirmish?

That Marie would turn to trying to drown someone...

It really truly felt like he didn't even know his little brother anymore. He couldn't fathom it. And for a split second he was grateful that the Wartortle hated his guts right now because he didn't feel remorse for hating him back right then.

The sheer possibility that he might've actually lost Bulba forever was just... Vinnie couldn't comprehend it. That fear was one he'd never thought could truly exist. But now it did - it rested in his stomach like a huge, lead weight that couldn't be ignored or thrown up, no matter how sick it made him.

And it just put into stark view how much he needed the other Venusaur. How badly he wanted him in his life. How utterly painful it was to even contemplate not being able to see him again.

Shakily, Vinnie pushed himself off the chair without a word. He didn't let himself take his eyes off Bulba as he approached, as he put his arms on the other's shoulders and pulled him close against his own body.

There weren't enough apologizes in the world. But he held the younger Saur tight in an embrace that wanted only to desperately keep and preserve Bulba as long as he lived.]

[For a moment Bulba simply stood there unmoving, save the slight shaking of his whole self. But then he slowly, tentatively raised his arms up around the other Venusaur's back. Seconds passed and his fingers worked their way into Vinnie's shirt. Another moment and Bulba was burying his face against the older saur's shoulder. All of a sudden he was just desperately clutching on to Vinnie, seeking out as much of his warmth and scent as he could as if they were the only things that could keep him going right then.

He hadn't realized just how direly he had needed it. Bulba had known he had wanted it, certainly. Just some sort of touch or recognition that he was okay. It would be okay. He had walled it up when he decided to stay quiet. Pushed it down so no one would ever have to know. Kept pushing so that when he told himself it was okay, that was enough.

Now that it was out, though... Now that it was something real and unavoidable and there... The walls all crumbled, and all that was left was the hideous overflow of fear and anxiety and every stupid, selfish want that he had been keeping at bay. His own reassurances were only so effective for so long.

Bulba had really, really needed that hug more than anything.

He choked back a dry sob against Vinnie's collar. There wasn't much he knew how to say or could even find the voice to express. He was profoundly grateful that Vinnie was there, and that he wasn't angry at him and that he simply cared for him. Suddenly he just wanted to turn off every thought. He focused on the feeling of his body and the warmth of his embrace. This felt safe.]

[Vinnie just held him tight, letting his face press against the golden crown of Bulba's head and combing a hand through his hair. His own breathing was rhythmically slow and patient - this was nothing he hadn't done before, nor something he wasn't willing to do as many times as necessary. He'd be there as long as the other Venusaur needed. He always would be, Vinnie told himself.

And yet it felt different this time, somehow. In a way he couldn't quite put his finger on. Bulba was no longer an Ivysaur; he wasn't just a younger Grass Type that needed protecting - and to be fair he hadn't been that for a while, either. They were equals, friends, more than friends, kin and... something Vinnie wasn't sure if his heart could stand to gain, but didn't want to lose. It was strange.

He didn't feel anywhere near confident enough to give the feeling a name. It was a seed, and though Bulba had planted it not so long ago, it still lay dormant in soil that had cultivated nothing for years. But its presence stuck out like a lump in Vinnie's throat. He couldn't ignore it. And he found himself checking on it more and more.

It was all he could do to just wait. For Bulba. For signs of life.

Nuzzling him gently, Vinnie breathed words just loud enough for him to hear.]

Don't you dare carry something like that yourself.

[Vinnie you hypocrite.]

Edited 2013-08-14 17:34 (UTC)

[Such a hypocrite.

Had he not felt so overwhelmed, Bulba might have pointed it out. But as it was now, the quiet words were the last little nudge the Venusaur needed to break down. He clung to the older saur and let himself cry against him, letting out all of the things he didn't know how to say.

Scared. Grateful. Hurt. Soothed. Worried. Shame. Guilt. Touched. Familiarity. Longing. Relief. It was too much to feel all at once. They each came out with his tears as he cried silently, save his shuddering gasps of breath. He wanted all of it gone. To be empty. That way he could just fill himself with all the care he felt in Vinnie's touch, with all of its warmth and light.

So he cried.]

[Vinnie could practically feel the rush of every emotion as they were expelled from the smaller Saur's body; it was palpable. And in turn, he could only try to will the bright glow he kept in his own heart to reach out and push away the shadows, to sing to the voice inside of Bulba and coax it back into shining.

No more fear of death. There was only life here - a persistent, blossoming, glorious life that deserved no tears. That was what Bulba deserved. And Vinnie wished it hard enough that every plant in his room seemed to sparkle in accordance.

He stroked the other Venusaur's hair in slow, soothing motions, as though to reassure him that right now, there was no one else that existed in his world.]

[He let it all in without realizing, the light of its presence sending a soft hush over his tears. For a moment he could only be still and listen as it all swept through him. It was almost startling. He had tried to reach out before, to tap into the light and speak gently to the Venusaur, but it had never been as strong and clear as this, nor had it ever been for him. It filled him more than he dared to imagine, and at first his heart could only listen.

Slowly, there was a hum. The soothing touch of Vinnie's hand the and the beat of his heart helped coax it further, bit by bit. Even if it wasn't sure, his spirit tentatively eased into joining the other's refrain. Softly at first. Very softly.

Bulba's grip on Vinnie gradually gave way, though only so he could spread his palms across the warm expanse of his back and feel his own hum of life beneath his fingertips. It flowed through Bulba just the same, mingling together with his and finding some of the strength to shine a little brighter.

Eventually, wrapped up in the other Venusaur's embrace and song, Bulba's trembling began to ease away. His breathing came gentler. He sang back a bit louder.

It was okay. He'd be okay.]

[Feeling the warmth return to Bulba and his composure return, Vinnie felt reassured enough to relax his hold on the smaller body in his arms. He stepped back just enough so he could took down at the other's face, tear-stained though it might have been.

He couldn't smile yet - not before he could see the state of Bulba's own gold eyes for himself - but Vinnie's reds burned with an earnest sense of hope and and encouragement for him.]

...Yeah, I know I'm a hypocrite.

[His eyes stung and he sniffled louder than he would have liked in the otherwise quiet room. Drawing an arm back to wipe his face on his sleeve, Bulba lifted his eyes to look up at Vinnie. They were still worried, especially now that everything was out in the open, but there was a brightness to them that had been missing.

Bulba furrowed his brows a bit, reaching up to lightly bap his knuckles against Vinnie's chin in a gesture that was almost playful.]

... A real big one.

['Almost playful' was good enough. For now. Vinnie took the hit with a small grin, and reached out with his own hand to gently cup Bulba's cheek in his palm. Tenderly, he drew his thumb across the moles that dotted the other's cheekbones - a gesture almost, questionably, indicative of some form of love that didn't know its name yet.]

It's pretty terrible...

[Attempts at being light-hearted aside, a forlorn sorrow painted Vinnie's smile. He still couldn't help but regret, no matter how strong he tried to be. Logically he knew that personally he wasn't to blame... but that didn't mean he was free from shouldering that burden at all.]

I'm sorry. For everything. He... went too far. Maybe too far to come back from.

[Even now, he could still do the things that made Bulba's heart flutter and ache. His lips parted slightly as he drew a breath of surprise, and he couldn't help but gently lean into the older Venusaur's touch. Watching his smile grow sadder, Bulba slipped his hand over Vinnie's.]

Don't... please don't blame yourself. You tried.

[Bulba already knew that the only thing that probably would have kept Marie in check was if Vinnie had cut ties with Bulba altogether. He tried to think of something else that was more encouraging, something about how Marie probably wasn't all bad... but he honestly didn't believe it. Not for a second. He didn't know what else he could say.

Bulba turned his face towards Vinnie's palm, he brushed a ghost of a kiss there instead, just barely. It was all he could think to do.]

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