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[Vinnie could feel himself shaking inside. His fingers balled into tight fists as the ice twisted its way through his gut with agonizing slowness at every word. He could feel a shadow fall over him as Bulba described the way he was pinned, old memories of old pains tingling at the edge of his consciousness. Perhaps it was his intuition speaking in the form of this creeping suspicion. Being helpless, at the mercy of someone else... terror that seemed to last forever, and then growing cold. He knew that feeling.

He knew trying to bury it, and the way it gnawed away at you.

In this moment, he saw a sliver of himself in Bulba - and the recognition horrified him. He couldn't even pause to try and rationalize the Wartortle's end of it. He couldn't be objective. There was only disgust and regret.

Their fight was about him. It was his fault that Marie went so far. Because he'd left the team. Because he hadn't been a good enough brother. The reason Bulba was shaking and looked close to tears was...

It hurt to think about. He desperately didn't want it to be true.

In a small, careful voice, still tinted by disbelief, Vinnie looked up and forced the words from his throat. Speaking them made it feel all the more real, but he needed to know that it was. He needed the truth. He couldn't let it go unsaid.]

He tried to drown you.

[Ever since the night it happened, it had never been said. That night was the only night he had let the thought be a complete once. Ever since then, even in his head, it had always just been the thing that Marie had done. The thing that happened. The thing he tried to do.

Hearing the actual words spoken out loud- hearing Vinnie say them of all people - horrified him more than anything.

Bulba jerked his head up to look at him, his expression bearing all the grief he had been trying to keep at bay, his eyes wide and searching. If he could find a way to avoid it he would. His mouth worked nervously, and Bulba drew in a shaky breath.]

He tried to drown me.

[In all those years of being rivals, of fighting, of having the opportunity to lethally poison someone or in turn, being fatally burned - death was something that should never have been a factor. It was an unspoken trust between trained Pokemon that it ended at unconsciousness, one that the Pokemon League was practically built upon.

It was true, there had been times Vinnie had thought about killing. Laying in his hospital bed, turning the idea over and over in his head - all those what ifs. It'd almost happened. Self defense or not, by the end of that fight he had honestly been trying to take a life. The sheer amount of rage and pain it took to reach that point... how could that ever possibly be reached in a normal skirmish?

That Marie would turn to trying to drown someone...

It really truly felt like he didn't even know his little brother anymore. He couldn't fathom it. And for a split second he was grateful that the Wartortle hated his guts right now because he didn't feel remorse for hating him back right then.

The sheer possibility that he might've actually lost Bulba forever was just... Vinnie couldn't comprehend it. That fear was one he'd never thought could truly exist. But now it did - it rested in his stomach like a huge, lead weight that couldn't be ignored or thrown up, no matter how sick it made him.

And it just put into stark view how much he needed the other Venusaur. How badly he wanted him in his life. How utterly painful it was to even contemplate not being able to see him again.

Shakily, Vinnie pushed himself off the chair without a word. He didn't let himself take his eyes off Bulba as he approached, as he put his arms on the other's shoulders and pulled him close against his own body.

There weren't enough apologizes in the world. But he held the younger Saur tight in an embrace that wanted only to desperately keep and preserve Bulba as long as he lived.]

[For a moment Bulba simply stood there unmoving, save the slight shaking of his whole self. But then he slowly, tentatively raised his arms up around the other Venusaur's back. Seconds passed and his fingers worked their way into Vinnie's shirt. Another moment and Bulba was burying his face against the older saur's shoulder. All of a sudden he was just desperately clutching on to Vinnie, seeking out as much of his warmth and scent as he could as if they were the only things that could keep him going right then.

He hadn't realized just how direly he had needed it. Bulba had known he had wanted it, certainly. Just some sort of touch or recognition that he was okay. It would be okay. He had walled it up when he decided to stay quiet. Pushed it down so no one would ever have to know. Kept pushing so that when he told himself it was okay, that was enough.

Now that it was out, though... Now that it was something real and unavoidable and there... The walls all crumbled, and all that was left was the hideous overflow of fear and anxiety and every stupid, selfish want that he had been keeping at bay. His own reassurances were only so effective for so long.

Bulba had really, really needed that hug more than anything.

He choked back a dry sob against Vinnie's collar. There wasn't much he knew how to say or could even find the voice to express. He was profoundly grateful that Vinnie was there, and that he wasn't angry at him and that he simply cared for him. Suddenly he just wanted to turn off every thought. He focused on the feeling of his body and the warmth of his embrace. This felt safe.]

[Vinnie just held him tight, letting his face press against the golden crown of Bulba's head and combing a hand through his hair. His own breathing was rhythmically slow and patient - this was nothing he hadn't done before, nor something he wasn't willing to do as many times as necessary. He'd be there as long as the other Venusaur needed. He always would be, Vinnie told himself.

And yet it felt different this time, somehow. In a way he couldn't quite put his finger on. Bulba was no longer an Ivysaur; he wasn't just a younger Grass Type that needed protecting - and to be fair he hadn't been that for a while, either. They were equals, friends, more than friends, kin and... something Vinnie wasn't sure if his heart could stand to gain, but didn't want to lose. It was strange.

He didn't feel anywhere near confident enough to give the feeling a name. It was a seed, and though Bulba had planted it not so long ago, it still lay dormant in soil that had cultivated nothing for years. But its presence stuck out like a lump in Vinnie's throat. He couldn't ignore it. And he found himself checking on it more and more.

It was all he could do to just wait. For Bulba. For signs of life.

Nuzzling him gently, Vinnie breathed words just loud enough for him to hear.]

Don't you dare carry something like that yourself.

[Vinnie you hypocrite.]

Edited 2013-08-14 17:34 (UTC)

[Such a hypocrite.

Had he not felt so overwhelmed, Bulba might have pointed it out. But as it was now, the quiet words were the last little nudge the Venusaur needed to break down. He clung to the older saur and let himself cry against him, letting out all of the things he didn't know how to say.

Scared. Grateful. Hurt. Soothed. Worried. Shame. Guilt. Touched. Familiarity. Longing. Relief. It was too much to feel all at once. They each came out with his tears as he cried silently, save his shuddering gasps of breath. He wanted all of it gone. To be empty. That way he could just fill himself with all the care he felt in Vinnie's touch, with all of its warmth and light.

So he cried.]

[Vinnie could practically feel the rush of every emotion as they were expelled from the smaller Saur's body; it was palpable. And in turn, he could only try to will the bright glow he kept in his own heart to reach out and push away the shadows, to sing to the voice inside of Bulba and coax it back into shining.

No more fear of death. There was only life here - a persistent, blossoming, glorious life that deserved no tears. That was what Bulba deserved. And Vinnie wished it hard enough that every plant in his room seemed to sparkle in accordance.

He stroked the other Venusaur's hair in slow, soothing motions, as though to reassure him that right now, there was no one else that existed in his world.]

[He let it all in without realizing, the light of its presence sending a soft hush over his tears. For a moment he could only be still and listen as it all swept through him. It was almost startling. He had tried to reach out before, to tap into the light and speak gently to the Venusaur, but it had never been as strong and clear as this, nor had it ever been for him. It filled him more than he dared to imagine, and at first his heart could only listen.

Slowly, there was a hum. The soothing touch of Vinnie's hand the and the beat of his heart helped coax it further, bit by bit. Even if it wasn't sure, his spirit tentatively eased into joining the other's refrain. Softly at first. Very softly.

Bulba's grip on Vinnie gradually gave way, though only so he could spread his palms across the warm expanse of his back and feel his own hum of life beneath his fingertips. It flowed through Bulba just the same, mingling together with his and finding some of the strength to shine a little brighter.

Eventually, wrapped up in the other Venusaur's embrace and song, Bulba's trembling began to ease away. His breathing came gentler. He sang back a bit louder.

It was okay. He'd be okay.]

[Feeling the warmth return to Bulba and his composure return, Vinnie felt reassured enough to relax his hold on the smaller body in his arms. He stepped back just enough so he could took down at the other's face, tear-stained though it might have been.

He couldn't smile yet - not before he could see the state of Bulba's own gold eyes for himself - but Vinnie's reds burned with an earnest sense of hope and and encouragement for him.]

...Yeah, I know I'm a hypocrite.

[His eyes stung and he sniffled louder than he would have liked in the otherwise quiet room. Drawing an arm back to wipe his face on his sleeve, Bulba lifted his eyes to look up at Vinnie. They were still worried, especially now that everything was out in the open, but there was a brightness to them that had been missing.

Bulba furrowed his brows a bit, reaching up to lightly bap his knuckles against Vinnie's chin in a gesture that was almost playful.]

... A real big one.

['Almost playful' was good enough. For now. Vinnie took the hit with a small grin, and reached out with his own hand to gently cup Bulba's cheek in his palm. Tenderly, he drew his thumb across the moles that dotted the other's cheekbones - a gesture almost, questionably, indicative of some form of love that didn't know its name yet.]

It's pretty terrible...

[Attempts at being light-hearted aside, a forlorn sorrow painted Vinnie's smile. He still couldn't help but regret, no matter how strong he tried to be. Logically he knew that personally he wasn't to blame... but that didn't mean he was free from shouldering that burden at all.]

I'm sorry. For everything. He... went too far. Maybe too far to come back from.

[Even now, he could still do the things that made Bulba's heart flutter and ache. His lips parted slightly as he drew a breath of surprise, and he couldn't help but gently lean into the older Venusaur's touch. Watching his smile grow sadder, Bulba slipped his hand over Vinnie's.]

Don't... please don't blame yourself. You tried.

[Bulba already knew that the only thing that probably would have kept Marie in check was if Vinnie had cut ties with Bulba altogether. He tried to think of something else that was more encouraging, something about how Marie probably wasn't all bad... but he honestly didn't believe it. Not for a second. He didn't know what else he could say.

Bulba turned his face towards Vinnie's palm, he brushed a ghost of a kiss there instead, just barely. It was all he could think to do.]

[Vinnie's gaze flickered downwards, still carrying the sting of shame. He was too burdened by thoughts to feel a covert kiss, but the sensation of Bulba's hand against his was intimate enough. Caressed on both sides by landscapes of skin, his own fingers tracing the edge of soft hair and burnt by the warmth of those cheeks... Suddenly, there was the faint realization that this was probably something lovers did. Vinnie's heart quickened a touch - he hadn't even thought about it when he reached out. He'd only wanted to touch him. A tactile message of care.

Maybe he was overstepping. Or giving Bulba the wrong idea? Not that he didn't want to try, he'd said he would, but that was...

Suddenly a simple action made him far too confused. It was easier when he didn't think. When he didn't question the smallest urge to reach out for physical contact.

God, he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

Awkardly, Vinnie retracted his hand - though it was in half a genuine remorse that made him shy away. It was his friendship that'd hurt Bulba, after all.]

I did.

Keeping that kind of truth to yourself'll rot you from the inside. [He knew, after all, in all his hypocrisy.] I don't want that... if it was just for my sake, I don't want it.

I don't want anyone hurt, but...

But I can't save Marie from himself.

Edited 2013-08-14 22:28 (UTC)

[Bulba held back the urge to reach back for his hand, a pang of remorse for his actions filling him as if they were what had driven Vinnie's hand away. They weren't like that, he reminded himself. It wasn't his place to reach for anything more than he had already been given, which was so much. So incredibly much.

He had to take a step back from those feelings and give Vinnie his space.

Not knowing what else to do with his hand now, his fingers found their way to the seed around his neck, turning it loosely between them.]

I... I didn't want things to get worse than they are...

[He dropped his eyes, looking down at his idle actions.]

I'm sorry. [He paused, frowning. It wasn't an apology brought about by guilt, but more by frustration.] That I don't know how to help...

[Vinnie ran a hand through his hair, idly scratching his leafy scalp in his own frustrations. Last year had taught them all hard lessons, but they'd all taken something different away. In a sense, it was difficult for him to begrudge it, even if it had lead to the slashes across Marie's face. It was only from gaining those scars he learned to overcome his fear of evolving. But each time Vinnie saw them, it was just a reminder of his own failures. Of the harsh truth that he couldn't protect everyone.

He had to trust what Bulba took away from it was enough to prevent such a disaster from happening again. The Shiny Saur had the sense not to pursue petty revenge, he was pretty certain, even if he was the one traumatized.

Marie had barred Vinnie from his life. There was nothing he could do about that. But if he couldn't help both of them, at the very least he wanted to make sure Bulba would recover.]

Do whatever you need to do t'get by.

[Vinnie's voice was stern, and his eyes insistent. He would not take further inaction as an acceptable means of coping.]

If you don't want t'be alone, or if you can't sleep or... or if you need to tell someone...

Don't worry about me. I trust you.

[He glanced up at him, hesitant and unsure.]

... Thank you.

I.. don't think anyone else knows... so...

[A bit of guilt might have crept into his voice at that point. Anyone else included Green, and their was a whole other set of reasons he felt bad about that. He shrugged his shoulders uselessly.]

... I think I'll be okay.

[Admittedly, this was something that he couldn't see not reaching Green's ears eventually. Bulba divulged a lot in his trainer, and such a blatant betrayal of the rules of Pokemon battling deserved to be known. It wasn't a conversation to be taken lightly either way. Vinnie nodded, understanding.]

All right.

[A pause.]

...Did you want to sleep over tonight?

[You know. Since it was already evening. After so many times that Bulba had done it for him, it seemed only right to offer in the most platonic sense possible.]

[There was a lengthy pause on Bulba's end. It wasn't as though sleeping over was an uncommon occurrence between them, but the last time had been... somewhat before Bulba had said anything. About liking him.

Bulba had kept to himself since then, not wanting to give the impression that anything had been wrong at the time. Even if the fight hadn't have happened, Bulba would have started to keep his distance just so it wouldn't have been too weird suddenly.

He knew it (probably) was nothing more than comfort between friends. But. Hrm.]

...Would... that be all right...?

Edited 2013-08-14 23:44 (UTC)

[Wait. Vinnie had to think about this again, suddenly.

Did he just offer something entirely too intimate without thinking. Did that happen again. Already.

Technically it was just a sleepover like all the other sleepovers. Nothing had fundamentally changed, except being aware of Bulba's feelings. Okay that was a fairly major change.

But he'd already offered. It'd be stupid to take it back just because Vinnie suddenly felt just a little bit nervous about what he wanted. He had to think of Bulba right now, not himself. He sucked in a breath.]

Sure. Why not.

[Bulba watched Vinnie a moment more before he glanced away a bit bashfully despite himself. A small, grateful smile toyed with the edges of his mouth.]

... I'd appreciate it.

[The smile tentatively tried to broaden, just a little.] I'll take the floor this time.

[Fair was fair, he supposed. He wasn't going to fight Bulba on that. Vinnie smiled a touch as well, feeling more reassured now that things had been settled somewhat.]

Al'right.

[Well. If he was going to be there for the night. The other Venusaur wiped his face again, rubbing away the lingering remains of his tears. It had seemed a little early, but he suddenly felt exhausted from the whole emotional exchange.

He felt... better. He didn't feel any lighter like any other large confession might have resulted in, as the weight was still there on his chest. But he felt calmer. More at ease. Vinnie had been the one he had most afraid of finding out, yet he was the one that knew now. There was nothing else to really be afraid of in regards to it simply being knowledge, as long as he could keep a handle on what happened from there on out.

But he didn't have to be alone. It was just another reminder that unlike a few others, Bulba was fairly miserable at being alone. He didn't have to be. There was someone right there that was warm and willing to stay by his side despite everything. Because of everything.

For him, Bulba smiled a bit stronger.]

Thank you. For everything.

[Because just being understood meant the world to him. And then as he thought about it, it occurred to him that-]

... You know, I don't think you've gotten to see my regular form yet...!

[SOMETHING THAT WAS REALLY SURPRISING HE WAS LOOKING KIND OF ALARMED BY THIS.]

Edited (how did this so long what the fuck) 2013-08-15 02:50 (UTC)

[Oh. That was. Kind of really surprising. Vinnie blinked too - it hadn't even occurred to him at all.]

Shit, you're right...!

... No time like the present then, I guess?

[Looking a little sheepish about it, Bulba moved a bit to the more free space of the room. Look how conveniently Venusaur sized it was you'd think one lived there OH WAIT. Bulba moved to take a seat on the floor, and as he did there was a pop and then far more green and yellow than was present a moment ago.]

[Vinnie's eyes lit up as he drank in the sight of the new Venusaur - it was like nothing he'd ever seen before. A body the colour of new leaves, a flower of warm gold, a shimmer in the air around him. He was beautiful. Vinnie was honestly kind of jealous.

His eye lingered over the torn petal, but after a second he forced himself to focus elsewhere. Before he realized what he was doing, Vinnie's arm was reaching out towards Bulba's flower. He just. Really wanted to touch it.

Though discretion demanded he ask first. Tentatively, his hand hovered at the level of the other's trunk.]

Can I...?

[The Shiny Saur wasn't the only one sparkling right now. Vinnie's wide, red eyes were his competition today.]

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wow the shortest

good

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